For a long time I've been fascinated by a question that frequently seems to find its way into a variety of social and work-related conversations.
"What do you do?"
I should also say that my interest in this question is fuelled by an irritation for it. I think it relates back to my early twenties, by which time I'd gained an education, (tick), done some travelling (tick) and then was apparently supposed to be getting on with applying myself in a fulfilling and well-paid career of my choosing. Afterall, that was the expectation. Not mine, you understand - just 'the' expectation. Only I never quite managed it. Not in a way that is clearly definable to others at least.
Label maker
And I think that is what is at the root of my issue with this question. It infers that I'm going to be able to provide a response with which the asker can easily identify. It requires me to provide a label. "I'm Sue and I work as a (insert easily recognisable occupation)". Such labelling is all part of how lots of interactions have long been played out. It's how we are encouraged to present ourselves to each other - we've been at it for ages now, and yet the world and the roles/jobs/ways of making a living etc have changed dramatically, so why are we still doing it?
In some cases, it's even taken a stage further. I was in a meeting recently where the attendees each introduced themselves as 'their job title', closely followed by 'who they line managed'. Apart from finding this slightly amusing, this told me nothing useful about what these people actually did within the organisation and how it might relate to why we were all there; but again, they were simply carrying out the expectation.
And on reflection, what is really interesting about this scenario, is the way the people in the meeting seemed to need to validate their presence by stating their level of responsibility and superiority over others. I guess, that's how we're encouraged to define ourselves, but is it just me, or does that approach feel way too limiting and just a little bit out of date?
Measuring stick
A conversation with a friend recently reminded me of how wasteful all this pandering to expectation can be. We were discussing achievements and what life was supposed to look like by certain milestones, measured by birthdays. We seem to spend half of our lives trying to live up to the expectations of others, and the other half trying to unpack what we really want to 'be' now we're supposedly grown up.
So what can we do to redress the balance and shift the weight of expectation?
We need to design our own measuring stick. To determine for ourselves how we want and need to measure success/happiness/being etc. and know that this will change throughout our lives. And this is OK.
We also need to take steps, however small in order to move things forward. And yet - "Don't search for all the answers at once. A path is formed by laying one stone at a time." *
Do things
So, go - do things.
Cultivate your talents.
Gain awareness of what creates a synchronicity with who you are, not how others expect you to be.
Seek the company of those who are interested, those who want to help and those who fire your passions.
Ask pertinent questions - especially of the label makers.
And be reassured that while what you do, is indeed part of who you are. It doesn't have to define you unless you want it to. You are in fact far more complex and interesting than that.
*The source of this quotation involves a giant, a special agent and a is it or isn't it a dream-type scenario within a 90's TV series from David Lynch. Inspiration can be drawn from the strangest places don't you think?
